What If Covid-19 Is God's Mercy In Disguise?

Through this blogpost, Almighty God, I give my all for Your glory. I accept Your gift of eternal life and I'm waiting for the return of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior....

Six months ago, we discussed with the doctor of our adopted special child the possibility for her to stop taking the prohibited drug phenobarbital, in case we need to leave the country to visit relatives abroad. Her doctor agreed and scheduled the tapering of the dosage of the drug, to end first week of March this year. Our special child stopped taking the drug, at the same time the Covid-19 virus has started to affect a few in the Philippines. It is now the third week of March and a total lockdown is now in place in the whole of Luzon, the biggest island in the Philippines, to prevent the spread of the virus that has already affected many during the last two weeks. I was so grateful to our Almighty God because He spared us from a difficult situation, if the prohibited drug taken as maintenance by our special child was not stopped. The drug is not always available in drugstores and not any doctor can prescribe it.

In December of last year, I was looking for a song fit for Invocation to start the program for the 50th Anniversary celebration and reunion of our high school batch. I believed I'm not good in saying prayers but I wanted to glorify God at the start of the program since I've felt how the Holy Spirit helped me and the other organizers of our reunion. I've chosen the song "Blessings" by Laura Story not because it is fit as an Invocation Song but because it fits the audience, all senior citizens at that, who had underwent several trials in their lives. While trying to learn the song, the lyrics were instilled in my mind and pierced my heart.

After finally singing the song which I haven't perfectly learned yet during our 50th celebration, I've wanted to study it more and make a cover in my YouTube channel to thank and praise God. I made two versions, believing the first one was not too good. I integrated the two videos, I knew it is not perfect but I know it will now please God. I shared the video to some friends, and one told me she has a copy of the song's musical piece, and I've thought that if a group of people will sing the piece, God will be more pleased. I'm still looking forward for that to happen.

"What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise", that line of the song I've been talking about is now so appropriate during the Covid-19 situation. The trial was not intended for just one person but for the whole world. Through the song, God has prepared me to accept another trial in life wholeheartedly, I had no idea that would be the Covid-19 that is now causing havoc to the whole world. I had hoped that some if not all of the senior citizens who attended our celebration who had heard the song and read the lyrics were prepared too.

Also for this current situation, I was prepared through our Bible studies of the Book of Acts at BSF (Bible Study Fellowship), which started in September of last year, up to the end of Acts only this week, where the apostle Paul encouraged the passengers of the ship not to be afraid, before the shipwreck happened, and when in Rome shared the Gospel even while inside the prison. I was prepared by God to also share the Gospel boldly, and why I have written this blog post now. What if God prepared me for this difficult situation so I will have the strength to write this?

Why might Covid-19 be one of God's mercies in disguise? In 2017, while studying the New Testament's Book of Romans (by the apostle Paul) at BSF, I made a diagram summarizing the chapters 6 to 10 of Romans. All truths from these chapters struck me, maybe I should write another blog post about those truths. But there is one truth very appropriate at this time, from Romans 9, that God is sovereign in extending mercy to the undeserving. Quoting from Romans 9,

Romans 9:22-24 New International Version (NIV)
"What if God, although choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath— prepared for destruction? What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of his mercy, whom he prepared in advance for glory— even us, whom he also called, not only from the Jews but also from the Gentiles?"


Gentiles refer to non-Jews or the rest of us in present time. The above verses say that to make His glory known to the objects of His mercy, God can prepare for destruction. But He also prepares in advance, the objects of His mercy, for glory, and that includes all of us.

The diagram presents a triangle which intends to show the benefits of a saved man inside the triangle. "Glory" as a benefit stated in the above verses, always starts with suffering, but always outweighs suffering. Outside the diagram at the left side is the path of a saved man resulting to his benefits while at the right, outside the triangle, is the undeserving man who can experience God's mercy so that he can be a saved man too rewarded with the same benefits. The diagram did not have a flow from the undeserving man to saved man so it was implied that the transformation can happen through God's mercy, which can be through sufferings or destruction. Transformation starts when we seek God and repent for our sins, recognizing that we were saved when He sent His son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for the atonement of our sins and rose from the dead after three days to share with us an eternal life at the end of time. Declaring that "Jesus Christ is Lord" highlights the process of a saved man, while being Christlike with perseverance completes the process.

Romans 10:9-10 New International Version (NIV)
"If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved."



Romans 8:18-21 New International Version (NIV)
Present Suffering and Future Glory
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God."

Romans 8:28 New International Version (NIV)
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."



Therefore, Covid-19 can be one of God's mercies in disguise. It doesn't necessarily mean that when you are afflicted with Covid-19, you are an undeserving man. God could have chosen you as an example who trusts God that whatever is happening is not just for your own good but for the good of all.

How God Prepared Me to Study The Bible

Before finally joining a Bible study in September 2017, I believe that God prepared me.

In middle of 2014, I was given the opportunity to participate in an art exhibit where the theme was about “faith”. That was before I started to paint where the theme of my paintings, four in all, should be relevant to the theme “Dance of Faith” . At that time, faith as a subject reminded me about our trip to the Underground River of Palawan in 2013, where my faith was strengthened after the trip. For the longest time, I was very amazed with God’s creations, which were stone formations that looked like artworks inside the cave, so my photographs during the trip became my references.

I had a favorite which looked like an abstract painting, so I painted it first, but while my painting was in progress, my son was in pain because of acid reflux so I was praying hard while painting and later titled the painting “The Prayer” for the exhibit.

Another painting was based on the photograph where we were about to go out the cave and titled it “A New Beginning”, because I knew that after I was amazed with God’s artworks inside the cave, my life will change because of my strengthened faith. But in reality, I was still struggling after that. I didn’t know what was missing or what I did wrong. My faith in God was my main armor, with the support of many other gods I thought God designed to assist Him.

In 2016, I was continuously inspired by my paintings of the Underground River and became interested in calligraphy, but still in the middle of struggles so I added verses on the paintings. I looked for relevant verses from a Jerusalem Bible that I found inside the ancestral home of my in-laws. On the painting titled “The Prayer”, I integrated “The Lord’s Prayer”, and then on the painting where we were about to go out of the cave, I wrote a Psalm of David, Psalm 108. Since it was just plainly written on the painting, I always read the psalm on the painting, the words instilled in my heart every time, until the end of the year 2016, again amidst struggles.

In January of 2017, I had wanted to join the sales force of a friend selling house and lots. I was invited to join their post Christmas party and received “Our Daily Bread”, one of their give-aways. I learned to look for verses from the Bible as instructed in the “Our Daily Bread” book.

Before the school year 2017 started, we were looking for a place to transfer, big enough for my husband and I with our adopted special child. When I unexpectedly saw a peaceful place in Pasig City and felt it was the right place for the three of us, we closed the deal with the landlady who at that very moment invited me to the Bible Study Fellowship International's upcoming lessons on the Book of Romans, to start on August 24. “That will be on my birthday!”, I told the landlady and “We will be in Palawan!”, the place where I always wanted to celebrate my birthday because of my unforgettable experience while inside the Underground River, and which I considered a birthday gift from God, since the changed schedule of our trip there fell on my birthday. One night before we were looking for the best place to move in, I dreamed about a baby, and then another baby appeared who is younger than the first one, probably a newborn, and I told my biological children about that dream.

While studying “Romans” which I started in September, I realized my past mistakes, my countless sins and ignorance, and what was missing, which was the written Word of God that I should have started to apply in my life a long time ago. I accepted and declared Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord, with a witness, on September 28, 2017. On November 3 of that year, I wrote my biological children who were living with their own families, reminding them about my dream about the two babies, that I already knew what it meant, the older baby symbolized a new place, and the newborn was me because the Bible study will make me born again.

On this third year of my studying more books of the Bible, I thank our Lord God in the name of Jesus Christ, because even in the midst of struggles, I have peace now, in my renewed mind and in my cleansed heart! To God be all the glory!

God's Will

The lecture during the Bible study I attended last Thursday enlightened me about God’s will which focuses more on developing a person’s character. The path that a person takes, though decided through a choice made by that person, involves circumstances that develop that person, and those circumstances are God’s will.

The reasons why it was God’s will for my husband and me to adopt a special child, blind and multi-handicapped at that, are now very clear. Caring for the special child from birth, it was God’s will for us to be more patient, persevering, caring, selfless, and to be closer to God-- to constantly ask for God’s mercy, which He always heeded with unexpected graces and we couldn’t help but praise Him and recognize that all these are for His glory!

It was God’s will for us to learn the different ways to care for our special child, limiting the medications to the ones that will address her seizures, to protect her liver and kidneys from more medicines. That led me to learn some of the methods of Traditional Chinese Medicine involving the meridians of the body that may be stimulated through acupuncture or acupressure to alleviate or prevent common illnesses, for example, reducing the heat of the large intestine meridian to bring down high fever. And it was God’s will for me to learn the knowledge of TCM through a giant Chinese company, TIENS, that manufactures gadgets that will make the traditional methods easier. Please click the title of this post, "God's Will" to watch our video about the TCM gadget, after reading this post.

My husband and I are continuously challenged by the changes our now teenage special child is undergoing, and also challenged by learning the gadgets that are now more modernized, but more effective even with a shorter time of use. It is God’s will therefore that as my husband and I get older and our teenage child becoming more aware of the things she like and expressing that through tantrums, we can be helped by tools that also change to make caring more convenient.

Most of all, it was God’s will that we learn more about His character so we can be totally dependent on Him, about Jesus Christ who died on the cross for our sins and rose from the dead to intercede for us, and the Holy Spirit to guide us as we transform and renew our minds to be more pleasing to God.

These Bible verses that were the basis of this post and the lecture that added to my enlightenment need to be learned by everyone:

Romans 12:1-2 New International Version (NIV): Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

The Opportunity

This morning while we were eating at McDonald’s, a teenager carrying a big bag went to our table. He politely said, “Good morning, I’m a self-supporting student...”. He was not able to continue what he wanted to say because I frowned and immediately responded with “We just have an exact amount of money now”. I assumed he was going to sell us products priced double their regular prices. The lad apologized for bothering us then went away.

The lad’s story might not be true, saying he is a self-supporting student might be made-up and that might just be his racket, but anyway, I felt I did not treat him right. Less than an hour ago before arriving at Mc Donald’s, I was reading these passages in the Bible:

Colossians 4:5-6 “Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

I even repeatedly read those passages, so what have I just done? I could have said, “I’m sorry but our money is just enough. Maybe next time when you see us again.” And maybe if I allowed him to finish what he was about to say, I could have thought of other things to say. At least I was not lying, because the 500-peso bill that I had before going to Mc Donald’s was missing the night before. It was a big sum to lose, I’ve thought, and I was thankful I found it on the floor of the car this morning.

I am now wondering if all that happened was just a test. Just the other day, I read another passage from Matthew 6:24, coming from Jesus Christ:

“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”

I even told myself that would be good to share, so I shared that to a group in Facebook. Why then did the 500-peso bill became so important?

Perhaps there are a lot like me who couldn’t get over such earthly situations. The “opportunity” mentioned in that passage from the Colossians was talking about our opportunity to be transformed, but we are too wary of people who are “opportunists”. If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit dwells in us and will guide us when opportunists are in front of us. Or will the Holy Spirit even allow opportunists to come near us?

God's Good News

After hibernating as a blogger for more than one year, I am back for another mission, this time a greater one. This is to share the “Gospel” which means “good news”.

How about “God’s Message” through the 143 stones which I easily interpreted as “I love you” and the reason why this blog was created almost 10 years ago? It is now clear to me that what I perceived as a conversation with God and His message through the stones was a sign for me to search deeper for the real meaning of that message. God’s love for mankind is the main reason of His “good news” or Gospel. It was for all nations, regardless of the race and the God a race believed in. The “good news” is the best proof of God’s love, as shown through this verse in the “New Testament” of the Bible:

“God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

I know that some readers who have read my blog post about “God’s Message” knew what it meant, more than me who wrote about it. Perhaps that shows that the most unlikely person can share the Gospel or part of it, through the most unexpected way, at the most unexpected time and place. Because God loves us, He sent His Son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for the atonement of our sins. God has established peace with us, and imputed in us the righteousness of Jesus Christ.

Not all nations recognize Jesus Christ’s sacrifice on the cross for the sins of the world. That is why sharing the Gospel to the very ends of the earth is very important. God’s graciousness makes the Gospel simple enough for anyone to believe in and confess it to others. Not everyone knew that the sacrifice of Christ on the cross was the culmination of the law because Christ was triumphant in His battle for man’s sins. The law of any religion will make the followers conscious of sins, but the basis of man’s salvation is not by following the law. Man’s salvation is obtained by each person confessing that “Jesus is Lord”, and believing in one’s heart that God raised Jesus Christ from the dead, to live in the believers’ hearts and completely save them.

The “Gospel” is so simple, I was able to make a one-page diagram about it. Those who will understand and believe the Gospel should read the Bible because Jesus Christ speaks to us to guide us and follow His path, through the New Testament.

I am encouraging everyone to share the Gospel, even to the children if possible. Sharing the Gospel will plant the seeds of salvation to the people, then God will do the rest.

God's Better Plan

On this 15th anniversary of God's Message to mankind through the mineral stones I was cleaning, I planned to talk about how God continuously showed His endless love to me despite my endless expression of disappointments.

I cried like a child when I, together with my husband and special needs child were denied of U.S. tourist visas early this year. Maybe because my husband and I were just retired employees without any business who wanted to tour some parts of the United States and visit our close relatives, like our eldest daughter who will be giving birth to her second child this July.

A Plan B was already in my mind in case we will be denied of the tourist visa, so I could recover fast from such disappointment. Plan B was to visit places in the Philippines I have never been to, like Dumaguete City and El Nido. God's plan is always different, as usual, and it is always the best plan. When I went to Dumaguete just to take a peek of the city so I can bring my family there in the future, God also showed me the beautiful island of Siquijor through several "angels" that included a couple who are both pastors.

It took me more than a month to research and plan our trip to El Nido, what tourist spots there to visit and what hotels would be best for us to stay and still take photos in case it rains hard.  I would also like to go to the place with the best sunset, I've researched that would be in Merimegmeg Beach but it seemed going there would be difficult if we would be carrying our special needs child on a wheelchair.

Among the island hopping tours, my priority was "Tour A" because I'd like to see the Big Lagoon and Small Lagoon around Miniloc Island but I also would like to see the "Paradise Beach" which is part of another tour as far as I know. On my way to Art Café to book the tours, a tricycle driver approached me to offer the same tours but when I insisted I'd like to book at Art Café, he offered me to also see a nice long beach called Nacpan Beach where the view of the sunset is great, according to him. My special needs child will surely enjoy a long beach, so I accepted his offer. The road to Nacpan Beach was not yet completely concrete and would be hard to travel at night so the driver offered an alternative to Nacpan's sunset view which was at Merimegmeg Beach near Las Cabanas. Getting there was really one of my wishes so it was a better offer.  The Nacpan Beach schedule would take the place of the tour that would include "Paradise Beach", for lack of time.

When I went to Art Café to book for "Tour A", I was told that they are replacing the "7 Commando Beach" with "Paradise Beach" because the former was always crowded the past days. "What a blessing"  I thought, "it seems like the change was made for me!"

Nacpan Beach was really beautiful, it was the clearest beach I've ever seen so far, just fine white sand and clear sea water.  As expected, our special needs child enjoyed the beach, playing with us and the waves.

After Nacpan Beach, we were brought to Merimegmeg Beach near "Beach Shack" to view the sunset while taking refreshments. It was indeed a great view but I thought maybe it would be more beautiful if dark clouds alternately covering the bright yellow color of the sun were not present. To my surprise, I saw at least 2 hearts formed by the dark clouds, one at a time. The formation and disappearance of the hearts were too fast for my camera to capture but looking at the photos, there was one where I could see two hearts, one overlapping one third of another, though it required the help of my imagination.

God never fails to show signs of His love, I'm sure some of the tourists saw the hearts also. The tricycle driver who came near me to tell me it was time to go because it was getting dark, also saw one when I told him about the hearts. He pointed to a heart-shaped space inside a square-shaped dark cloud.

This unusual view of the sunset with alternating dark gray color of the clouds and the bright color of the sun showed that beauty is not all bright colors, and that even life as a whole need not be all bright colors to be beautiful.  And even in those dark moments, one can still see and feel the love of God.

During the "Tour A" island hopping the day before the trip to Nacpan Beach and Merimegmeg Beach,  the boatman brought me to the Small Lagoon through a "kayak". It was showering, but when we were already inside the Small Lagoon, it really rained.  I was still able to take photos of the lagoon by covering the top of my camera with plastic. I told the boatman it was totally alright because the rain could just be a sign of God's blessings pouring on us. The other tourists on their "kayaks" were happy and laughing while it was raining.

So many signs and symbolism in the whole travel to El Nido reminded me about life and God's blessings.  I am now back to reality, continuously advocating to leave a legacy of orderliness to my children. This is the kind of advocacy that one is often misunderstood.  I don't want to leave unsettled issues or problems to my children.  Even the responsibility to take care of our adopted special needs child, I wouldn't want to pass to my two biological children believing my husband and I will always be capable of caring for her, maybe in our later years with a helper. That is why it is very important for me that my husband and are always strong and healthy. Any small sign of abnormality, even considered normal in old age like memory loss should immediately be addressed with coconut oil and techniques for memory retention. I have no choice but to be very strict with our food, practices, and lifestyle in general. I know this is another very difficult role that can make me indifferent even to relatives who want to enjoy life to the fullest. As far as my and my husband's lifestyles are concerned, I can be as strict or even stricter than Rody Duterte, the newly elected President of the Philippines.  I continuously pray for him by the way, for God to always guide his thoughts, words and actions, and I hope every Filipino will do that, so that all our dreams for changes will be implemented peacefully.

I also hope every Filipino will always remember that God loves us and will always intervene with a better plan, but Divine Intervention happens when one has exerted an effort to move to achieve his goals or needs, not while one is sleeping.

One of those ways God said "I Love You"

Writing this post was unexpected because I have wanted to write and post in another blog instead.  Until I remembered that today is June 12, it's the 14th anniversary of my conversation with God, the main reason why I created this blog. 

Once again, let this be a reminder of God's love for us, I myself needs to be reminded of that too. God can talk to us anytime, anywhere, regardless of our religions and personalities, but we still forget He did that, sometimes we don't even believe He really conversed with us, and other people won't believe too. The only reason why I believed He had actually conversed with me is because I can write about my experience and share it to people.

Whether you will believe in this story or not, I felt  tasked to share it again.  Please click here  to go to my short original story of my conversation with God and read how God said "I Love You" to mankind in my story. 

God Keeps Saying "I Love You!"

Last weekend, after a week of being too busy watching on the television to listen to Pope Francis’ messages while in our country, we discovered that the banana trees in our backyard have a total of 3 bundles of banana fruits.

The third bundle that we discovered was hidden by the “calamansi” tree's trunk and leaves, and we didn’t notice that the heart of this bundle of bananas dried up but the fruits are now very healthy. Upon discovering that there were three bundles, not just two, the first thing that entered my mind was “maybe God wanted to say “I love you” again". Not just to me, but the whole of mankind, like He said during my conversation with Him on June 12, 2001. The photo at the left shows the three bundles though not so clear because they were hidden by leaves. The first that we saw was the one in line with the window on the photo (lower right), the second almost right above me while taking the photo (top right of photo) and the third slightly covered by the banana leaf at the middle left of the photo.

A few months ago, the calamansi tree nearest to the house bore extra large fruits, around 5 times the normal size. It used to bore several small fruits until it began to bore an extra large one along with the regular ones, then another extra large fruit still with the regular ones (shown in a photo here), until there were no more regular fruits, just 3 extra large fruits. Maybe that was September of last year, 2014, and in my thoughts was “maybe God wanted to say “I love you” again!”. The juice of the giant fruit tasted like a mixed juice, so that there was no need to mix it with sugar and water to make a juice! In the video below, we were giving our special child the juice direct from the fruit (the left and right head movement is a mannerism of this blind child with cerebral palsy and had no meaning).

The photo at the left was the calamansi tree whose last fruits were three extra large ones,  an example of these fruits is shown bigger than the egg and the regular calamansi fruits in the above photos They were taken around September of last year, and during that time the banana trees were still few and low.

Next to the point where I shot this photo of the calamansi tree was the laundering sink where I was cleaning mineral stones while conversing with God in 2001. There were just a few plants on the soil where these trees grew, during that time. When God said in my thoughts on that day that the cure to all diseases are abundant and are just around us, I looked at the exact place where these trees grew and thought that He meant the plants, but also realized later that He could also be referring to the sunlight (at the right times of the day) and the magnetic fields of the earth.

After God said “I love you” when I asked what message He would like to tell mankind through the number of small mineral stones I was cleaning which turned out to be 143 stones in all, so many extraordinary events happened, like the birth of a special child inside our house, whom we later adopted.  I realized that through this child, God proved His love for all of us in the small compound where we live consisting of two households.  I requested for a child during my conversation with Him to help me forget about disappointments, but when I realized that the child could only come from my daughter who was still too young at that time,  I told God “I was just joking”.  But after a year,  on July 24, 2002, a child was born inside our house by our housekeeper. This child was expected to be a special one since she was not even expected to live during birth because of her size which was just one pound!

Years after, circumstances led me to be very much involved in health and wellness and gradually learned how to stimulate the natural healing process of the body. It seemed that I was being prepared to be a therapist of our special child, and also be able to take care of my own health and my husband’s for the child’s welfare. We need to remain strong and healthy to be able to take care of this child whose mission or missions only God knows, all I know is God keeps saying “I love you!” to mankind.

Year Ending 2014

It's now New Year's Day in the Philippines.  I'm glad that my last blog post was about health and wellness in my "Amusing Tips" blog, titled Meridian Therapy.  It was a public service post though it also advertises a particular gadget used for the therapy.

I'm also glad that on New Year's Eve,  my most read blog post was also in the same blog, "Amusing Tips", about a recipe of a fish steak, titled Quick Gindara Steak.  That only shows that fish as part of the menu of "Media Noche" or New Year's Day is a must. I had planned to include it as part of our "Noche Buena" or "Media Noche"  but found the fish too expensive for our present budget.

I hope to be able to post in this blog, which was my first, more posts that will help mankind this 2015. But I'm also hoping that more people will be able to read the post which was the main reason why I created a blog.  It is now in two versions, an updated version titled My Conversation with God on June 12, 2001, and the original version, God's Message. I know that in God's time, these two posts will be read by the right people.

An "Agent of Change"

I wasn’t capable of writing a post last month because my mind was preoccupied with options for changes in my family, triggered by several signs, strengthened later by a letter from the National Visa Center of US.

Most of those changes it turned out, would require other changes affecting some members of my clan and my husband’s clan, so it was indeed hard to think about them, much more to talk about them. But once again, I’m the only person who could open up a topic about changes that directly affect my family, and it was hard because I’m not a sweet talker, I was a Systems Analyst for thirty years writing and giving instructions about specifications, and I had to choose the most specific words in sentences that were direct to the point. I did the best I could, but as usual, some if not most of those affected were not pleased with my “requirements” or requests to go about some changes. That was understandable and the main reason why there is such a short course for change management. Maybe I need to undergo that course first.

Sometimes it is disappointing to consult a life coach or a counselor because you will be told to go back to your past so that with their help you will be able to understand your present difficulties. I tried to do it on my own and it was hard at first because I couldn’t find any connection.  Until I looked at myself at a different perspective, a more positive perspective with the premise that God placed me in this situation because He loves me.  Thank God, I found the answer!

I now understand that I am an “agent of change”.  Understanding that did not happen instantly.  My recent activities like looking for an online job helped me understand that.  There was this job that I liked a lot I felt it was for me until it was awarded to another applicant. I studied this applicant’s credentials and I was amazed because she was a Russian but had masters in English and English Literature and had several job experiences related to writing in English. I just told myself, they chose the right person.

I realize now that I can be an agent of change because of my experiences since I was a child. The earliest I could remember was playing a lot with my brother and cousins in an airstrip of an airport where we had a family restaurant, and for a 4 year-old child like me it was an endless playground. I was surrounded by relatives, there were my cousins, grandma, uncle and aunts.  I could understand only English at that time.

Suddenly, we were in a city, some of the relatives I used to be with were no longer around, my brother and I had many playmates and our playground were the streets.  These playmates said we were rich because we had two buildings though the highest was just a four-story building.  I couldn’t believe that because we were staying at the ground floor of the other building, it really looked like a basement because it had a low ceiling but the floor was always very clean.  There were other people at home whom I felt were our relatives but they said we were not related at all. After a while, I believed we were rich because my grandma was referred to as “Donia” or a rich woman by the lady at the ticket booth of a theater who let me and my brother enter the movie house for free. On Christmas Day, I saw my grandma giving away big paper bags of goods to the street children.  Once in a while, I could see some new dresses and bags in my closet.  Whenever my brother and I got sick, we would be given a new toy to cheer us up.  I could understand a mixture of Tagalog and Ilonggo at that time.

When I was 8, we were in another city.  My playmates were speaking in Cebuano so I learned to speak and understand the language. A year before that, my grandmother passed away.  The next thing I knew was we were already in Manila, reunited with my aunt at her apartment in Caloocan City.  My brother and I were transferred to St. Joseph Academy, a private school there.  My mother and aunt thought of having a beauty parlor and dress shop so they looked for a place to make that possible and they found one in Manila also, somewhere in Sampaloc.  My brother and I were transferred to a public school.  Before we graduated from elementary, we were at another place where my mother revived the restaurant they had in Mindanao. It was near the Manila International and domestic airports.

I can’t remember when was the time we transferred to 20^th Ave. in Cubao, Quezon City because I was already studying in Manila as a first year high school student.  My brother and I had to be transferred to another school in the vicinity, it was called Quirino High School.  As usual, my favorite subject was Math, and my favorite teacher was my Math teacher who told me I was indeed intelligent, Ms. Aurora Venida.  We didn’t learn to know more about each other because I had to stop studying for a while to be able to take care of my youngest brother who was 3 years old. I knew how it was like to be rich, and our situation at that time was quite different. Sometimes there was not enough food to eat. But the apartment we were renting was big so who would say that?

This house where I am now was the longest I have stayed, even as a single woman. It used to be occupied by Ms. Venida, my favorite Math teacher I mentioned earlier but it was not from her where we learned about this house because she migrated to US long before my family transferred here. But even when I was already married to her nephew, the son of our landlord whose house was right beside ours, I preferred to stay in another house, until my in-laws requested us to watch over this house meaning for us to transfer to this house while they were at the US, as immigrants. Our eldest daughter was 10 years old at that time.

There were six companies I worked for, from the time I started working.  Two of those companies were worth staying until retirement, but one closed, while the other one was a private agency under Marcos that was why it had to close after the “People Power”.  To implement changes, companies usually hire consultants who are not familiar with the employees of the company. The recommended changes can be “brutal” to most of the employees  especially when cost cutting is the objective. These companies have no choice but to implement those changes, just like the company I worked for which closed down. We were suddenly called to a general meeting at the canteen where the General Manager, after explaining the status of the company, announced that it was our last day in that company, we could get our separation pay then pack our things. We were all crying, including the General Manager.

As the “House Manager”, I usually implement changes fast. My husband got used to follow those changes that were new learnings to his children, not really changes.  I have no tolerance for dilly-dallying, my husband knew that. I mellowed down when we started to bring our adopted special child to school where we practically became pupils also, supporting our special child.  But also because of this child, I realize there is no time to procrastinate because we her adoptive parents are not getting any younger and are not getting any richer.

We have to grab every opportunity that will help us sustain our health, increase our meager income and our special child’s development so that the people who will take care of her when we are gone will not be burdened too much nor for too long. I have no choice but to ignore the people who would still be skeptical or resistant to the changes we need after allowing some time for awareness. One of the most important among the objectives of these changes is to reverence our bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit. This is also the most important legacy of change I would like my children to remember, since our bodies will continuously require changes in food, habits and activities over time.

The photo shown here was my painting based on a photo I’ve shot during my tour at the Underground River of Palawan. The tour guide told us that we might not see the same stones we have seen when we come back especially if it would take long for us to come back. The title of my painting was “The Prayer” because I was praying hard half of the time I was painting it because my son was sick, though it was just a group of stones undergoing changes. This whole picture of changing stones is so beautiful, isn’t it?  It was God’s work!

Thank you God, for all the opportunities, to write this, and to be part of the Dance of Faith art exhibit that started last November 24 at the “Pamanang Bedista” (San Beda Heritage Center) where this painting is on display for one month along with my two other paintings of the Underground River of Palawan and the other Dance of Faith artworks!